• Fiona McIntosh: Voyager Author of the Month

    Fiona McIntosh was born and raised in Sussex in the UK, but also spent early childhood years in West Africa. She left a PR career in London to travel and settled in Australia in 1980. She has since roamed the world working for her own travel publishing company, which she runs with her husband. She lives in Adelaide with her husband and twin sons. Her website is at www.fionamcintosh.com.

    Her latest book, The Scrivener's Tale, is a stand-alone and takes us back to the world of Morgravia from her very first series, The Quickening:


    About The Scrivener's Tale:

    In the bookshops and cafes of present-day Paris, ex-psychologist Gabe Figaret is trying to put his shattered life back together. When another doctor, Reynard, asks him to help with a delusional female patient, Gabe is reluctant... until he meets her. At first Gabe thinks the woman, Angelina, is merely terrified of Reynard, but he quickly discovers she is not quite what she seems.

    As his relationship with Angelina deepens, Gabe's life in Paris becomes increasingly unstable. He senses a presence watching and following every move he makes, and yet he finds Angelina increasingly irresistible.

    When Angelina tells Gabe he must kill her and flee to a place she calls Morgravia, he is horrified. But then Angelina shows him that the cathedral he has dreamt about since childhood is real and exists in Morgravia.

    A special 10th Anniversary edition of her first fantasy book, Myrren's Gift, will be released in December!

     

     

Fallon Friday: Ways to kill off characters

I got to thinking today (after wondering yesterday why there are no heroes in fiction with fluid retention) about the ways it is acceptable in fiction to kill off characters … so I thought I’d make a list, which is probably symptomatic of incipient OCD, but what the hell. Everyone needs a hobby.

Bladed Weapons of any kind. It is a given, however, that your hero will be able to take any amount of punishment up to and including being stabbed in a vital organ, while the bad guy will go down with a single cut.

Firearms. The bigger the better. See Bladed Weapons about how many shots it takes to kill someone. It is also a given that your hero will be a better shot than your minions of evil.

Bare Hands/Fist Fights, Martial Arts etc. Very useful, but your hero must fight honourably while your minions of evil may beat little old ladies to death. Killing someone with your bare hands is only acceptable if the reader believes your hero has killed in self-defence or is performing a community service

Energy weapons. Useful because they can also be set to stun and apparently nobody ever has an adverse reaction to being knocked unconscious by several thousand volts or pretty green lights. Be warned though, energy weapons should – theoretically – cauterise a wound on the way through, not make it bleed. Only useful if you don’t want buckets of blood splashing about for people to slip on and sprain something

Childbirth. The most popular way to remove an unwanted female character. (Thank you, Trudi)

Plagues. Especially good for removing large swathes of the population, although rather icky if you have to describe it in detail. Incubation periods will vary, depending on the medium. Most TV plagues manifest in exactly the amount of time it takes to kill off the only person who knew the secret to synthesising the vaccine, forcing the promising underling (jaded yet brilliant outcast … whatever), to come to the rescue.

Explosions – bombs, air raids, etc. Always a nifty way to dispose of people, either in small or large quantities. You must, however, have a digital readout counting down to zero. Failing that, having your character show a picture of his girlfriend to a buddy will alert us to the fact that he’s about to be blown limb from limb. Curiously, all cute furry creatures seem to be immune from them, and will invariably stagger out of the ruins, unharmed.

Natural disasters. Same as Explosions. You may replace the digital readout with a scientist nobody will listen to.

Wildlife of all kinds. Snakes on a Plane. Say no more

Nuclear weapons. Unless you’re writing a post-apocalyptic epic, best to use this method at the end of the book … hmmm?

TB and all other inexplicable diseases of the lungs. The severity of the cough will be directly related to how beautiful/handsome and tragic the character is. Remember Nicole Kidman’s character in Moulin Rouge singing up a storm while stopping every half hour or so to politely cough into her lacy white hanky which would come away delicately spattered with blood, so we’d all know she was dying? You get the idea.

Zombification. A very useful tool. Removes the character but leaves you with an evil minion to wreak havoc on your heroes. Sort of what happens to people who join political parties.

Cancer, AIDS and all other diseases. Take your pick. The severity of the symptoms will also depend on how beautiful/handsome and tragic the character is. Diseases must fall into the “acceptable” category, however. Nobody should ever die from stress incontinence. Not unless there is magic involved

Exsanguination.
The fatal process of total blood loss. It’s what vampires and serial killers do. How much blood you have on the floor afterwards will depend on whether it was a vampire or a serial killer doing the exsanguinating.

Native magic. This is cool but you can run into trouble and easily offend the very people who actually know how to do it, which is a very bad idea. There are documented cases of Australian Aborigines dying after the Kadaicha Man pointed a bone at them. Use sparingly and with permission.

All other forms of magic. Anything goes. A truly inventive magical death would be where the sorcerer casts a spell on someone that makes them retain so much fluid that they fill up like a water balloon and eventually they explode in a big splash and

OK, I know. I’m getting ridiculous. I shall stop now.

Feel free to add to the list.

This post originally appeared on Jennifer Fallon’s blog a couple of years ago, but it’s too good not to post again! Jennifer is the author of thirteen bestselling fantasy novels. She lives in Alice Springs in Australia and blogs regularly at her website.

Advertisements

6 Responses

  1. I’m trying to add to your list but you’ve covered just about everything–and so cynically well! I love you wit.

    I’ve killed my share over the years–one with a laser rifle, one with a poison arrow (poison is an interesting weapon–you can get all apothecary with it) one by raptor attack (the cause of death was asphyxiation via severed trachea) one by flash flood, and more than a few by samurai sword, of course, which is my specialty.

    Then there is that interesting kind of death that is programed to go off at a certain time–like the replicants in Blade Runner. But, we have to ask, were they ever really alive?

    (you mentioned snakes on planes so my mind followed… 🙂

  2. under magic: cast a spell that can open up every wound a person has ever had at the same time (better if they’re a non-royal adult) if that doesn’t kill them nothing will!

  3. I had a character fall to his death once. That’s always a good one.

  4. I’ve found that suicide is a very easy way to kill off a character, but you have to create a reason for them to kill themselves. This is a pretty fun process, imagining all of these different tragedies you can throw at this character, one of them being killing off another character they are attached to.

  5. You could kill them by razor wire wrapped around the wrists making them bleed out slowly

  6. Wow, amazing weblog format! How lengthy have you ever been
    blogging for? you made running a blog glance easy. The
    total glance of your web site is excellent, as neatly as the content material!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: